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The effects of divorce on children and parents should not ignore them

Discover the profound effects of divorce on children's development. Learn strategies to support your child during this difficult time.

Almagla

How do children think about divorce?

Children do not think logically. They lack the experience and global knowledge that adults have. This means that when things like divorce happen, they may not have logical ideas about what is happening to their family.

There are children who will think that it is their fault, or that if they behaved better or tried harder, their parents would stay together. Not all children will think this way, but many will have thoughts that are illogical, rational, or healthy.

It is necessary for adults to talk to their children so that the child knows that the divorce and the situation is not their fault. Parents should have a solid plan on how to talk to their children about divorce. Parents should help their children process the feelings they have about the divorce, explains Dr. Kevin D. Arnold.

Parents want to protect their children from pain, let alone causing their children to suffer. But suffering happens. Divorced parents have an opportunity to teach their children how to deal with pain effectively. In every dire circumstance there is an opportunity to learn and grow. Parents who use divorce as one of these opportunities can help their children learn this basic truth.”

It's not about protecting our children from divorce, because if divorce is imminent, it is a reality in the children's world. The key is to help children effectively navigate and process their feelings and emotions as they go through this big change in their family.

Sadness and other feelings resulting from divorce

For children, sadness is one of the most common reactions to divorce, according to Dr. Lori Rappaport. Children will cry and often act sad when their parents go through a divorce. This sadness can sometimes lead to depression, and these signs should be identified so that professional help can be sought.

These signs can include losing interest in activities, not being able to sleep, sleeping for long periods, suddenly having problems with academics, fighting, or getting in trouble at school due to behavioral problems. There are other signs as well.

Some children will feel relieved that their parents have divorced. In many homes where divorce occurs, there is a high level of emotional conflict. Children of high-conflict parents are often relieved that the arguing and conflict will end at home.

Most likely, there is usually a mixture of feelings. They feel sad and relieved. They can experience these feelings back and forth over time after the divorce, which usually takes years.

Many children of divorce will also feel afraid because they do not know what their lives will look like in the future. Their future is full of uncertainty. They will also feel angry that their family is changing and that they may have to make major adjustments to their lives, such as a new home or a new school.

It's normal for children to have these feelings. What is not the norm, and requires intervention, is when children have behavioral problems that affect the way they function in daily life.

At what age are children affected by divorce?

Children are affected by divorce at any age. Even adults whose parents divorce later in life can be negatively affected. According to Dr. Rappaport, even infants and young children can be affected by divorce. Separating from a parent when they have to go to that parent's home can cause separation anxiety for an infant or toddler.

Knowing that anyone at any age can be affected by a parent's divorce means that we must not exclude children when evaluating the effects of divorce. Just because they are old enough to understand it does not mean they automatically have the coping skills to adapt in a healthy and appropriate way.

The same goes for young children. Just because they're young and don't fully understand what's going on doesn't mean they won't be affected. Big changes in a young child's routine due to divorce can cause them distress, which can lead to things like withdrawal and lethargy.

Signs that your child is not coping well

When a child does not deal well with their feelings related to divorce, it usually shows in their behavior. What they do not express in their words usually comes out in problematic ways. Their behavior will change, and it will get worse when they are not coping well with the divorce.

It is normal for a child to have emotions, thoughts and feelings about the divorce. It is common for children (research shows that between 20-50% of children of divorce are maladjusted) to have behavioral problems because of the divorce. However, behavioral problems and maladjustment are signs that the child is not coping well and that professional intervention, such as counselling, is necessary.

The most common behavioral problems caused by divorce

Below are some of the most common behavioral problems that appear in children when their parents go through a divorce and are not coping well. These are not the only behavioral issues that can arise, but they are some of the most common.

Inability to adapt well

This behavior is often seen in young children. For example, children who are already potty trained will begin to have accidents or wet their beds at night. They may resume thumb sucking or other childish behavior that they had previously outgrown. Regression is a sign that the child is not coping well with the situation and some professional help may be needed. For younger children, play therapy can be helpful.

Growth retardation

Children who have achieved normally and then begin to show delays should be evaluated. For example, a child who sat and crawled at a normal developmental age, but is now clingy and not walking at 24 months, should be taken to a pediatrician for evaluation.

Need behavior

Young children who cannot express themselves with words often show behavioral indicators when something upsets them. For a child going through a divorce, some forms of neediness can be normal. They want to spend more time with their parents when they spend time with them. They may cry more when they move from home to daycare or from one parent's home to the other's home.

When it comes to the effects of divorce on children, parents should be aware of the needy behaviors that can arise. If they become disruptive to daily life, they may need to consult a child psychologist or counselor. They will have some solutions and will be able to evaluate the family's unique situation. Parents should realize that extreme neediness is not normal, and help should be sought in such a situation.

Tantrums and explosions

Tantrums are normal for children under the age of five. In fact they are very common for children aged 2-3 years. However, in some cases where divorce occurs, tantrums become more frequent. For children over the age of five, they can regress and start throwing tantrums again. It is an indication that their situation is confusing them and they are having difficulty coping.

For older children, such as teenagers, they may have emotional outbursts. These outbursts can be described as screaming, screaming, stubbornness, and a lack of logic and rational thinking while in this state.

If these behaviors exist outside of normal age-appropriate tantrums, then counseling or professional help should be sought for the child so that he or she can learn how to process his or her feelings and emotions in a healthy way.

Getting into trouble at school

Children who have never been troublemakers at school and then begin a pattern of getting into trouble with authority should not be ignored. Their behavior is a way to express interest or as a channel for their emotions. Maybe they are angry about their parents' divorce.

When asked about the divorce, they told their parents that they were fine and that everything was fine. They do not know how to properly express how they feel, and instead suppress their emotions. Then, when things get tough at school, they react by kicking the child's chair in front of them or pushing their classmates.

They do these behaviors as a channel or way to release their anger. However, this is not a healthy way for them to deal with their anger towards the divorce. They should be taught by a professional how to talk and handle their anger appropriately.

Fighting with other children

Besides getting into trouble at school, some children will turn their anger and stress into aggression toward their peers. They may quarrel and clash with friends or classmates when this was not previously a problem.

Parents should help these children by providing them with the help they need to understand that their feelings are normal and they can talk about them instead of suppressing anger and then letting it explode on others.

Eating issues

When some children do not cope well with divorce, they may develop eating problems. For teens, this could be a legitimate eating disorder such as anorexia. For younger children, this can manifest as avoiding food or eating in a very selective manner that can lead to an eating disorder such as ARFID (Avoidant-Refractory Food Intake Disorder). This can be one of the most serious effects of divorce on children because it can lead to serious health problems.

Parents should be aware of their children's changing behavior, especially eating patterns that may be harmful to the child's health in the long term. For some children, this can also include binge eating. They do not express their feelings in words, instead they eat to find a feeling of comfort. This can lead to health problems such as obesity, diabetes, and high blood pressure if the behavior becomes severe or widespread over a long period of time.

There are treatment programs and counselors that can particularly help if eating problems begin to emerge as a pattern of behavior. Parents should be vigilant and aware of their children's eating habits, especially when major life changes occur, such as divorce. It is easier to address such a problem early, before behaviors and habits become ingrained.

Sleep problems

Children of divorced parents can suffer from insomnia. They can also sleep a lot if they are depressed. Their sleep routine should be consistent from one parent's home to the other so they don't develop annoying sleep problems. If the child has significant sleep problems, the help of a pediatrician should be sought for advice.

Risky behaviour

It is normal for teenagers to experience some type of rebellion. However, if this rebellion turns into a form of drug abuse or running away from home, then professional help should be sought. Risky behavior is a cry for help. Their cries for help should be met with love, care and a desire to get them the help they need.

Decrease in academic performance

Academic performance can fluctuate. However, a sharp decline in grades and academic performance should not be ignored. For example, a child who goes from A as an enthusiastic student and then drops to all C's in one semester is likely to have problems adjusting.

Their academics may suffer from depression, or they can no longer find the ability to concentrate while studying. Parents should help their children, not just with tutoring and academic assistance alone. Their child's emotional state should be addressed through counselling.

Underlying emotional issues are likely to occur when their parents divorce, and a significant decline in their academic performance indicates that they are not processing their emotions properly, as it hampers their academic life.

Suicidal thoughts

Suicidal thoughts, especially any suicide attempts, require immediate intervention and help. When someone expresses that they want to die or that they want to kill themselves, these words should always be taken seriously.

There are some teens who “attempt” to commit suicide as a cry for help. Their intention is not to die, but instead to attract their parents' attention. Unfortunately, some “attempts” are successful and result in death. That's why words of a wish to die or commit suicide should always be taken seriously.

You may think your child will never follow through, but he or she may simply do so to prove a point, and unfortunately in some cases it will work. If you have a loved one who has demonstrated suicidal behavior or has threatened suicide, there is immediate help through Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Personal injury

Professional awareness of self-harm and self-mutilating behaviors in adolescents and pre-adolescents is increasing. Teens tend to hide these behaviors and will cut themselves in less obvious places, such as the upper thighs or stomach. However, some are more straightforward and straightforward in their behaviors.

Either way, you should seek immediate help if you have a child who is hurting themselves. They do not deal with their mental and emotional stress in a healthy way. It can include self-harm by cutting, carving into their skin, burning themselves, pulling out their hair, etc.

If you think your child may hurt themselves, they need immediate help.

the prison

When pre-teens start getting into trouble and get arrested, it's a cry for help. Don't ignore their bad behavior and dismiss it as just being a teenager. If they are experiencing their parents' divorce, this behavior could stem from untreated emotional distress. Even if they received some counseling beforehand, they will likely need help and intervention again.

Physical issues

Physical problems are a common sign of distress in children when they have emotional problems. This usually manifests itself in the form of recurring headaches, stomach aches, or other physical ailments. It can be real or imagined.

Often times, feelings drive physical pain or illness into reality. For example, a child may complain of stomach pain daily, especially when he has to move from one parent's home to another. What may start as an invention in their minds can become real because the body responds to stress and unresolved emotions in problematic ways.

If your child has frequent physical complaints, such as headaches, stomach aches, or other problems, do not ignore his complaints.

Help your child become emotionally intelligent

Emotionally intelligent people are able to express and process their feelings in a healthy way so that they do not suppress feelings. Suppressing emotions often leads to behavioral problems, such as those discussed previously.

We can help our children learn to become emotionally intelligent by teaching them how to talk about the way they feel. It is often a learned behavior that does not come through instinct alone. Children should be taught how to talk appropriately about and deal with their feelings and emotions.

There are many ways parents can teach their children to express their feelings in a healthy way, including:

Help your child name the feeling he or she is feeling.
Talk about healthy ways to deal with emotions, such as talking things through and deep breathing exercises.
Be a nurturing link to your child so they feel like they can come to their parents when they experience heightened emotions.
Resist punishment when they act out of emotional distress; Instead, work on helping them talk about their emotions and feelings.
Have your child practice talking about his feelings, and praise him when he speaks and expresses himself.

It is not easy for either parent or child to go through a divorce. Parents should be aware of the emotional turmoil their child is likely to go through, so they can encourage them to express them through healthy dialogue and conversations.

Help available for children of divorced people
There are counsellors, psychologists and therapists available to help your family. You can simply search for the area you live in on google and “divorce counseling,” and you should find qualified professionals near you.

Your children may feel afraid, sad, and confused after the divorce. They know you have been deeply hurt. As a result, they may hide their feelings because they are worried about your happiness or because they do not know how to express their feelings appropriately.

Final thoughts

Many children handle divorce without serious problems. However, we can never be sure which children will have problems dealing with divorce. When parents can identify behavioral issues and issues that arise during or after divorce, they can help their children get the help they need.

Behavioral problems tend to be an indicator that a child is not processing his or her emotions properly. Hope exists to provide the help your child needs. It is helpful to have their support system to help them talk about their feelings, as is seeking professional counseling when behavioral problems arise.

Conclusion: The effects of divorce on children

In conclusion, the effects of divorce on children are diverse and complex, affecting their emotional, social and academic health. It is essential for parents to prioritize open communication, consistency, and support to help their children overcome the challenges of divorce. Seeking professional guidance and counseling can also be helpful in addressing any emotional distress or behavioral changes in children after divorce. By understanding the potential effects of divorce on children and taking proactive steps to mitigate negative outcomes, parents can help their children adapt and thrive in the face of family changes. Let us work together to provide love, stability and understanding to ensure the well-being of children during this difficult time.